Hello, I'd like you to meet my elephant!

I think I owe you an update on how things have been going. In order to do this I have to introduce you to Charlie first. Charlie is an elephant and he's been sitting comfortably on my chest since last Saturday. I blame the anxiety. For which I blame my medication. But let's back up a little.

Two weeks ago Friday I started on Ritalin. Worked wonders. I was focused, calm, had a filter and I was as happy as I've ever been. I finished my treatment that I entered into consideration for a collaborative movie project in no time. I was able to carry a conversation. Wohooo!

Then, last Saturday, I started to feel anxiety. I didn't know what it was at first because I've never had it before, but it seemed to get worse with every comedown from my Ritalin pills. And while rebound can last about half an hour, it really shouldn't last three days. I assume (and so does my doctor) that it was psychosomatic. But why? No idea.

So I came off the Ritalin and started on Strattera (a non-stimulant ADHD drug) this morning. Still! The anxiety! It's less of a heart-beating-out-of-my-chest variety now and more of a teeth-clenched-muscles-tense thing but it is driving me mad. I do not need another "issue", thank you very much.

Since I read somewhere that ADHD medication depletes magnesium which can cause anxiety, I'm giving my body some magnesium and other supplements now. But I guess it'll just take a couple of days for the magnesium, B-Vitamins and Omega 3s to work, and then a couple of days more (or longer even) for the Strattera to show an effect.

I am seriously despairing here. I know I need meds to function properly. I can see that now, especially after the couple of wonderful days I had on the Ritalin. But part of me is thinking, that at least before I was only a scatterbrain while I now feel like a fucking head-case.

I don't want to be the filter-less inattentive prick who offends people and makes her wife unhappy.
But I also don't want to be that crazy person who has anxiety and doesn't leave the house. I really don't.


Fuck.