I can't exactly make a movie with my social security!

I'm exasperated. Living in Austria has always been a drag for me but it's become worse since I've acknowledged that I want to, need to, be a filmmaker. There are many reasons why it took me so long to want to start a career in the film industry and many of them have to do with my own fears, obviously, but one major reason was that the country I live in has no film industry.

Sure, when an Austrian wins an Academy Awards Austrians are oh so proud, but when you look behind the scenes you can see that there's virtually no funding, no film culture as such, no proper film education. (Yes, there is some funding, but it's ridiculous compared to other countries.)

The Austrians looooove what they call "sophisticated art". They throw money at classical music, opera, theatre, the fine arts, even hard-to understand experimental video projects. Yes, we have a pretty decent system when it comes to healthcare, social security etc. But when it comes to narrative film we're a fucking third world country.

And I'm stuck here.
And it pisses me the fuck off.

I'm beginning to ask myself what the fuck I'm writing for if I can't shoot? Or at least can't shoot with high enough production values to qualify on the competitive international market.

Lack of filmmaking education leads to a lack in manpower. That lack in quantity makes quality even harder to find. People don't work for free so you need the money, money that you're only given if you've already made a name for yourself.

Someone once asked Austrian directors how they would call a documentary about Austrian filmmakers. They said "Victory despite Despair" and "You Don't Have a Chance but Take It".

I'm trying to take that non-chance, I really am, but I'm grasping at straws right now.

Maybe it's because via the Live-A-Thon I've been confronted with the relative ease (I'm not saying it's easy, just comparing L.A. to Vienna) of filmmaking in other countries. Maybe it'll wear off. Maybe I'll have a better week then and not feel this mixture of envy and despair. Maybe next week...



P.S. This is me venting. So if this is where you want to explain to me how awesome the Austrian film industry is - probably not the right time to do it, mkay?